“Fame makes a man take things over. Fame, lets him loose, hard to swallow“. Not my words, ladies and gentleman, but the words of David Bowie (with a little help from his lesser known pal John Lennon). To be honest, I have no idea what Dave was on about. I suggest consulting a reputable dictionary if you don’t know what fame is.
But why am I dwelling on fame today, you might ask? And I might answer. In fact I will answer. And my answer is thus: my latest chocolate review is courtesy of someone I consider famous. How else could you describe someone who’s been featured in a national newspaper article, has thousands of twitter followers, and is immotalised in metal and worn with pride around many anipal’s and stuffie’s necks around the world?
That’s right. Today’s review is courtesy of one of the wittiest, funniest, and most erudite bears I have the honour of knowing- Teddy M. Bear (note to self- I must remember to ask what the M stands for). Teddy comes from Scotland, a country I have not had the honour of visiting. However, my daddy hooman has spent four years at university in the city of Glasgow and says that after receiving a ‘Glasgow kiss’ once he’d rather I didn’t go and sample the night life there until I was a bit older. I don’t know why. I mean who doesn’t like a kiss?!?
Of course, Scotland is home to Irn Bru, Caramacs and Tunnock’s Tea Cakes, but i’m not going to review those as they’re readily available at any of your friendly neighbourhood newsagents across the UK. Also, I’d have tried a deep fried Mars bar, but that would have re-enforced negative stereotypes. And the grease would have dissolved through the packaging on its way down south.
In fact, for today’s adventure in chocolate we go to South Africa! That’s right- it’s not just somewhere you go to off your wife on honeymoon. Allegedly. I shall be trying two Nestlé South Africa chocolates bars courtesy of Teddy and a store local to his Madame that specialises in South African goods.
1. Milo: “Chocolate Malt in Milk Chocolate“
This has a picture of a young chap striking a football in dramatic fashion on the front of it. I’m not sure chocolate is a staple diet of professional footballers, but i’ll give Nestle the benefit of the doubt. It has a wonderful malty taste and texture that goes beyond crumbly but stops short of crunchy. Not too sweet, it’s the sort of chocolate that makes you want to grab a glass of milk to wash it down. Which I did. 1% milk in case you’re wondering. Skimmed is too watery, but a bachelor bear like me has to look after his waistline. FIVE PIGEONS OUT OF FIVE
2. Peppermint Crisp: “Crisp Mint Cracknel Coated In Milk Chocolate”
Now this was a revelation. I did not expect to like this as much as I did. Chocolate on the outside, crispy Kermit-coloured mint on the inside, this was actually very tasty. One to eat before a hot date with a lady bear as it gives a nice refreshing minty sensation to your breath. (For some weird reason, every time I say ‘cracknel’, my hooman daddy says ‘mmm…, Sarah Cracknell’. I think he’s losing it). FOUR PIGEONS OUT OF FIVE
A big thank you to Teddy M. Bear (@thisbear) and also a big thank you to the cow that lactated a delicious bottle of milk for me. I salute you both *salutes*.